If only...

A little known fact about me is that I applied for the job of All Black Coach about 4 years ago. I listed a few reasons why I should be the preferred applicant:

• I am a woman - I thought this would bring not only a novelty factor to the job, but also cement NZ's commitment to equal opportunity principles, so aptly demonstrated in their preferences for political party leaders and prime ministers.
• I am South African - I understand Afrikaans and could bring a whole new depth to the AB's understanding of the Bok mentality
• I don't know much about rugby, but have a grip on the basics - I thought this might be a good chance to get back to the basics: passing (and catching!) the ball, kicking through the posts and sending fit players onto the field.
• I am very fat and unfit - I thought the All Blacks could get me into shape and in return I could shrink their heads to concentrate on the action on the field and forget the money making ventures off the field.
• I work in community development - I thought this was my strongest point: I am used to working (and winning) against the odds.

I got a very lovely and polite e-mail back from the NZ Rugby Union. They did not laugh or put me down, but they did tell me that I should have coached a Super 12 or a National Team for the previous 12 months. Well, so much for my wish for some originality and creativity.

We were in Auckland in 1999 when the French killed the AB dream then. It was a terrible, terrible sight to behold. So many sad people for so long. I never wished that on the fantastic Kiwi nation again.

Maybe I should have included the fact that I am from French Huguenot descent? And understand the crazy way in which the French head works? That might have pushed me over the finishing line in my application. And this time it might have all been different.